There will be dragons...
Another year has just began and, with it, the blooming promise of things to come. Time really flies by and it has been some time since we decided to write a blog about our adventures and misadventures in the lifestyle. However, work, family and the lifestyle itself always have a way of pulling you into spending your time differently. As the saying goes, better late than never.
Addressing this task of writing our blog, we’ve made some considerations about what would be a good first article. We definitely have like thousands of stories and moral tales but it didn’t seem appropriate to jump straight into the action with no foreplay at all. On the other hand, we are not exactly the ones to go for chronological descriptions or useless guidelines. In time, this blog will, no doubt, became a kind of diary and notebook, as we fluidly jot down our frequent incursions into the “playground”. As such, we thought that a little insight into our way of doing things would be a good idea.
We embarked on this adventure a little more than a decade ago. As a young couple, with kids and demanding professional lifes, sometimes moving from country to country, we were never the ones to spend our time watching life going by, also known as watching TV and spending countless hours with friends talking about mundane stuff and admiring how our life was so much better than theirs or vice-verse. And this is an important point: there is a lot about social life nowadays that really makes us crazy. The way most people live their life is radically different from the way we want to live ours. We distinctively remember a new year’s eve spent with a few friend couples that made us question deeply if that was the way a couple is supposed to be. Jealousy, gossip, money, cars, houses, holidays here or there, it all seemed so... futile!
Everyone comes to the lifestyle in a very personal way. In spite of the way we felt about the mundane life of the people surrounding us, we weren’t exactly looking for an alternative (most people don’t really get why it is called the lifestyle, even if they are living it). It was a much more basic appeal, one that came out of the way we got along sexually. Martim is a former DJ, experienced with women since he started getting frisky with them, at the tender age of 14. Steff is a pretty girl and never afraid of expressing her sexuality. Sex was always a fun and boundary breaking activity for us. We constantly challenged each other and were always eager to try new things (well, most of them but not all, as Martim is strictly straight).
These explorations often involved toys and even special machines, bought online or in sex shops. We also had a female friend from abroad living with us and acting as the babysitter for our young kid. As we were never the jealous type, none of us, the fantasies often involved her joining us, in our thoughts and talks. We never did get her actually involved and that was the only babysitter that didn’t get into our bed, as all the subsequent ones did. We were just too inexperienced, I would say, as I believe the girl would gladly jump into the bandwagon.
It was only a matter of time until we got a third person into bed. Martim had previous experience with threesomes and Steff was definitely curious about it. So we did, booking an hotel over the weekend and inviting a guy on Friday night and a girl on Saturday night. We will elaborate on this first experiences in an upcoming article. For now, this just goes to the point that we are not really a couple’s couple. Never have been, although we spent the majority of our years in the lifestyle playing with couples.
In meeting single guys and girls, we eventually came into contact with the couples fun world. We don’t exactly remember how it came about but someone mentioned it to us and we decided to try. It was a bit disappointing at first, completely absorbing next and, finally, we got it under control (at least we think so). We will dedicate a lot of time in upcoming articles to our adventures and disadventures with other couples.
A big part of our fun with other couples revolved around the swinging clubs world. That can be an absolutely crazy way of living your life and it came to a point the only nights we spent at home were Sunday and Tuesday. We were at some club partying almost every night. We can’t count the times we got home, had a shower, something to eat and dressed in a hurry, running straight to work after dropping the kid at school. Holidays would be spent in Cap d’Adge, Ibiza or Miami, always with people from the lifestyle and in the lifestyle. Those were, no doubt, the craziest times. But things were different, people were different (probably us too, as we were a lot younger and enthusiastic). A number of upcoming articles will focus on this “over the edge” period of ours.
Eventually, there came a time when things just didn’t feel the same anymore. After giving it some thought, we came to the following conclusions:
- We were doing more and more of the stuff other people liked (or was more “socially in”) and less and less of the things we actually liked (Steff couldn’t even remember the last time she had a satisfying DP, for instance). It was all party, party, switch, switch but not a lot of actual orgasms. A lot of new people all the time but not very rewarding sex, at all
- Our life outside the lifestyle was almost non-existent, apart from family and work. We’ve always enjoyed going out and trying new restaurants, bars and nightclubs. It had been a while since we last had done so. It was pretty much dress up, meet, fuck, repeat.
- Most of the new people coming into the lifestyle are quite different from us, in the way they behave and idealise their fun. That created a few unpleasant situations. It was mostly a UK thing, as we have never seen it elsewhere (more accurately, it is a London thing). We just felt that the fact that there is a lifestyle serves as an excuse for pretty much every kind of behaviour, disrespectful for other people, mostly. Also, things started to be a lot around monetising the lifestyle, instead of living it. Every new club, website, party planner and the like thinks he has found Columbus’ egg and ends up killing the golden goose. On top of it all, the relentless quest for new blood to fuel this state of affairs creates a much more virtual environment, with a lot of fakes, wannabes and straight up “screen wankers”
So, we decided to turn things around. We started breaking away from the swinging clubs scene and focusing on other activities. We’ve also started to be a lot more selective and eventually forming a group of couples and single people with whom we meet frequently and have fun with, outside the clubs. We just implemented a new routine that actually works for us, bringing back the fun to our sex life. At the same time, we had to face the changing times and mentalities, creating a set of rules and procedures that efficiently dealt with some aspects of the lifestyle, avoiding situations that would spoilt it for us. And that means we have to be, sometimes, pretty ruthless.
As a direct consequence of this change, we now meet a lot less couples. This is due to the fact that we have very good friend couples that we know for a number of years and we love getting together with them, either in pure vanilla occasions or for really steamy sex fun. We don’t feel the need of meeting new ones, although we end up doing so, now and then, just to keep the perspectives fresh, I guess. It is a lot of trouble to meet couples and not very rewarding, at all. Nowadays, most of them are not even real couples. They are, at best, fuck buddies, when you don’t come to realise the girl is actually being paid to be there. We know a girl that features in about a dozen profiles on a website, each with a different guy. We’ve actually met her with one of them and can recognise her in each of the profiles. As a result, you cannot expect real couple fun, which for us translates much more into sharing than swapping, ideally with total involvement from all parties, except male on male, of course.
When it comes to couples, we probably have very high expectations and that might be the problem. We expect people that think a lot like us, people that like to enjoy themselves over a dinner in a nice restaurant, a drink in a trendy bar or a clubbing night (the dancing kind). On top of that, they should be up for some hours of sex, with a lot of good conversation in the mix. The problem is that, if they do the first part, they seem to lack the energy for the second. On the other hand, if they go for sex, it seems that everything else is just delaying their objective to fuck and go, adding just another notch on their belt (this is a typical fuck buddies behaviour, the truth being they are just there for the guy to fuck another girl and move on to the next... typical).
There are also other kinds of couples. One of the frequent ones is the married kind but with issues. We have long been saying that this is not for couples with problems. The lifestyle is for couples with a sound relationship. If you have trust issues, the lifestyle will only make it worse. On the other hand, if you are the kind of couple that he comes in less than a minute and she is fucking with her mind wondering about next Sunday’s lunch, well... you should probably work things out at home. Having sex with other people won’t bring back the magic and will leave them quite displeased.
If you are none of the above, maybe we can meet and give it a try!
Girls... supposedly the unicorns of the lifestyle. The problem is that, as you will probably find out, they have too many horns for a unicorn! You go into a website and see a lot of girls. Most of them are not really single girls. They just act as such for one of 2 reasons: they hope to attract couples for their partner to join or they have a couple’s profile on which they “don’t meet single guys” and use the single girl’s one to do so. The ones that are single girls, either work for some club, party planner or the like, or are looking to monetise their time, in person or otherwise.
There are a few genuine ones... usually not Martim’s type. If they cannot do much about beauty or age, they could try to lower their body weight. The truth is they are just too lazy and trying to find excuses for it. It’s not them that are wrong... it’s those girls that actually work out like crazy and try to look their best. So, they just go looking for guys that are equally lazy and out of shape, don’t they? Not! The problem is nobody outside of the lifestyle would touch them. However, in the lifestyle, they get a lot of attention. It never ceases to amaze me that one of the most verified girls on one website is probably the most untouchable thing I have ever seen, both in and out of the lifestyle. How can guys fuck her? In a van, standing in line for it? Talk about lack of self respect! You don’t respect your cock, be certain it will stop respecting you! We’ve seen it happen, time and time again.
So... where do we get our girl? Easy... everywhere! Besides the already mentioned babysitters, we get baristas, barmaids, in shops, in pubs, in bars, in clubs... one thing we realised is that they are usually interested in one of us... we just need to drive their curiosity into getting involved with the both of us. And are girls curious! Much more than guys! In the same environment, it is much harder to get a guy involved. They might fancy her but, as soon as they see she is with someone, they just scramble!
We definitely enjoy doing stuff with our girl friends. Steff is really into girls, almost as much as into boys. We go for dinner, we go to bars or clubs and, when back home, fuck like crazy until the morning. That is some very rewarding fun. However, we have had a few girls mixing things in the past. It’s always a risk as girls are usually less detached than men. It is quickly changing, though, and it’s been a while since we noticed any hint of a problem and we meet girls regularly. We’ve met some in the lifestyle. One was part of a fuck buddies couple and another was brought in by a single male friend. The main thing is that we really enjoy getting together and having fun. Sometimes Martim just lets the girls play on their own with a few guys. He has been known to challenge them for a few naughty scenarios...
One thing you would expect is for things to be easy with guys, right? Boy meets girl, boy fucks girl and they both go on their merry ways... nothing could be further from the thruth. Especially, once again, in London. There is this culture of laziness and lack of respect about single guys in London. It is quite different from other places, including in the UK but, most noticeably, abroad. It’s really difficult to find quality single guys and that is probably the one side of our partners that changes the most. It’s almost impossible to maintain good single guys around, although we are fortunate enough to have some of them as friends for a number of years. It’s probably the nature of things but, then again, it is different elsewhere.
First of all, let’s face it: Steff is probably not the easiest girl for single guys to handle. She is not the submissive type and knows very well what she wants. She is a nice girl, always smiling but can be bossy and became quite grumpy if she doesn’t get what she wants. And she wants a lot. She likes a guy that knows how to use his tongue and having a couple of orgasms like that is what she would call a good start. She can have more than 20 orgasms a night and she will try to go for as much as possible. Also, she doesn’t really go for doggy style until she feels like it, which usually means after a few orgasms. She can definitely squeeze a guy dry and she will, given the chance. So, not really the easiest girl around. She is definitely the demanding kind.
One thing that Steff really likes is outdoors and improvised sex. It has to do with Adrenalin, I guess. You put her in a room with a few guys and she can’t come nearly as much as if you put her fucking in the back of a car, in a park bench, against a wall or under a tree. It has a lot to do with the change in scenery, after a lot of years in the lifestyle. Different scenarios help in getting a lot of pleasure. Guys might find it strange at first but they end up enjoying it a lot. And that is the stuff memories are made of! A few guys have said that their lack of performance was due to the unusual scenario. However, when invited home for a second chance, they couldn’t do any better. On the other hand, some guys that really had a hell of a performance on improvised situations could not perform as well indoors. It’s not the place, it’s your head (either that or the wanking before meeting).
She also likes DPs a lot. She and all the girls we know! Every girls that tries DP loves it. Not all girls go for anal but there are a lot of alternatives. The one thing girls like the most it’s DVP. They mostly go crazy! But to do it means more than one guy has to be involved. And that is the whole problem! Most guys shy away from DPs. Usually the same that stand in line to fuck a ugly, crazy fat girl, in a van or go to a club and end up fucking just about any cat or dog that comes about by the end of the night! But, hey, at least they don’t touch another guys cock... even Martim, being so absolutely straight, has no such problems. I know, there are straight guys having sex with other guys... it’s a wonderful and brave new world! But Martim really doesn’t make the type. He just has no problem in giving the girl the best time he can!
But these are just the "not so bad ones". At least the girl can always go for a straight up fuck and have some fun. The ones that really make us crazy are the ones that don't show up at all. Lack of respect is widespread among single guys in London. They don't respect themselves, as already mentioned, why should they respect others, right? Mostly, they just try to fuck as many girls as they can, no matter the quality. That is clear when you realise someone just missed a meeting with you and shows a new verification a few days later. They lie and are not even smart about it. Also, sometimes they schedule a meeting with you just to cancel a bit later because they found something closer. Either that or just went for a quick wank and that's it for the night.
Guys suck so bad in the lifestyle that we feel we should share a few tips:
- Most couples don't read guys' profiles... they see the pictures and the verifications
- No girl likes to see 10 pictures of your penis from dubious angles. However, if you don't have at least one, from a good angle, they will think you have nothing to show (I've heard a few girls actually say that!)
- The absolute "forget it" profile: 10 pics of your torso and one of your back side!
- Swing sites are not Facebook. Neither are they dating sites
- Some verifications are "career killers"... no self esteeming girl will be willing to fuck you if they see you only fuck old, ugly and fat ladies. Also, some might feel insecure if you only have verifications from very pretty girls. It's kind of a balancing act
- We have talked to other couples and girls and they all hate the "hun, darling, babe, etc.". At best, it sounds condescending...
- you should grow your base from a few friend couples and always keep your word. The most successful guys we know do this. Check the one with a coloured superhero name... he has been around and always having plenty of fun... and girls
- Take care of your cock. Respect it, feed it well and it will reward you. Resist the temptation of sticking it everywhere... it will come a time it will think a hole is pretty much like the next and won't be up for it anymore... get it?
However, the things that really put us completely off are the bareback and the drug cultures. Not politically correct to say it but there are really a few dark trends in the lifestyle. The bareback culture is just inadmissible nowadays. That and the lack of awareness that comes with it. There is no excuse! One of these days, we met this guy and he had no condoms with him (usual stuff and that is why we always have a few). Steff told him that he should have brought condoms and he goes "I'm clean! I'm married!". Scary shit! His wife will end up catching something from him without even having had any of the fun to show for it! Unfortunately, this is frequent. Married guys come into the lifestyle but wouldn't have the balls to bring their wife. She takes care of the kids. On top of that, they don't respect them enough to take the necessary precautions. Sad but true. What is worse: socially as acceptable as hiring prostitutes! There are also those couples that appear, fuck everyone and everybody for a few months and then disappear, along with a few of those that played with them... it happens time and time again but people don't realise why... Anyway... The other scary thing is drugs. We have been offered these like candy in the lifestyle. It is even a very profitable market for some people. And the downfall for a lot of couples, as we have seen over the years, transforming family people into porno stars or worse. It's all a bit of fun... until it isn't!
With so many challenges, how do you manage to be in the lifestyle for so long and still have fun? well, we have our own formula and don't have a problem sharing it:
- We mostly stick to a number of good friends, couples and single people. Now and then, we meet new people. We are less and less moved by novelty and just find meeting new people a lot of little rewarding work. Very rarely a good fuck comes along. On the other hand, playing with our friends gets more and more pleasant. Martim is very peculiar about a lot of things, including pussies. He has specific tastes. However, one of our best friends has a pussy style he really doesn't like. They fuck like crazy almost every weekend!
- If someone fails us, it happens only once! No second chances! If more people did the same, things would be a lot different, even with the desperate, almost unfuckable people around! Some people have a lot of nerve! But will elaborate on it another time.
- We get the lifestyle into our life and not the other way around. We do a lot of different things every weekend. Sometimes we go clubbing and see who is available for a quickie in the morning. Other times, we go out for dinner or clubbing with friends and play until almost lunchtime. Other times, we go out just for a "social"... it never is! Some socials have a way of ending in total orgies, never quite understood why!
- We avoid clubs, parties, people that organise parties and all kinds of "popular" people. This is from experience but it has improved a lot the way we have fun. The lifestyle might be a bit "underground" but the people in it are the same as the ones in the "mainstream". And they think the same. As a general rule, do the same as you do in your daily life: not everyone is your cup of tea!
As it shows, by this first sample, there will be dragons in future posts. However, Hanlon's razor will always hold true: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by carelessness".
Addressing this task of writing our blog, we’ve made some considerations about what would be a good first article. We definitely have like thousands of stories and moral tales but it didn’t seem appropriate to jump straight into the action with no foreplay at all. On the other hand, we are not exactly the ones to go for chronological descriptions or useless guidelines. In time, this blog will, no doubt, became a kind of diary and notebook, as we fluidly jot down our frequent incursions into the “playground”. As such, we thought that a little insight into our way of doing things would be a good idea.
We embarked on this adventure a little more than a decade ago. As a young couple, with kids and demanding professional lifes, sometimes moving from country to country, we were never the ones to spend our time watching life going by, also known as watching TV and spending countless hours with friends talking about mundane stuff and admiring how our life was so much better than theirs or vice-verse. And this is an important point: there is a lot about social life nowadays that really makes us crazy. The way most people live their life is radically different from the way we want to live ours. We distinctively remember a new year’s eve spent with a few friend couples that made us question deeply if that was the way a couple is supposed to be. Jealousy, gossip, money, cars, houses, holidays here or there, it all seemed so... futile!
These explorations often involved toys and even special machines, bought online or in sex shops. We also had a female friend from abroad living with us and acting as the babysitter for our young kid. As we were never the jealous type, none of us, the fantasies often involved her joining us, in our thoughts and talks. We never did get her actually involved and that was the only babysitter that didn’t get into our bed, as all the subsequent ones did. We were just too inexperienced, I would say, as I believe the girl would gladly jump into the bandwagon.
It was only a matter of time until we got a third person into bed. Martim had previous experience with threesomes and Steff was definitely curious about it. So we did, booking an hotel over the weekend and inviting a guy on Friday night and a girl on Saturday night. We will elaborate on this first experiences in an upcoming article. For now, this just goes to the point that we are not really a couple’s couple. Never have been, although we spent the majority of our years in the lifestyle playing with couples.
A big part of our fun with other couples revolved around the swinging clubs world. That can be an absolutely crazy way of living your life and it came to a point the only nights we spent at home were Sunday and Tuesday. We were at some club partying almost every night. We can’t count the times we got home, had a shower, something to eat and dressed in a hurry, running straight to work after dropping the kid at school. Holidays would be spent in Cap d’Adge, Ibiza or Miami, always with people from the lifestyle and in the lifestyle. Those were, no doubt, the craziest times. But things were different, people were different (probably us too, as we were a lot younger and enthusiastic). A number of upcoming articles will focus on this “over the edge” period of ours.
- We were doing more and more of the stuff other people liked (or was more “socially in”) and less and less of the things we actually liked (Steff couldn’t even remember the last time she had a satisfying DP, for instance). It was all party, party, switch, switch but not a lot of actual orgasms. A lot of new people all the time but not very rewarding sex, at all
- Our life outside the lifestyle was almost non-existent, apart from family and work. We’ve always enjoyed going out and trying new restaurants, bars and nightclubs. It had been a while since we last had done so. It was pretty much dress up, meet, fuck, repeat.
- Most of the new people coming into the lifestyle are quite different from us, in the way they behave and idealise their fun. That created a few unpleasant situations. It was mostly a UK thing, as we have never seen it elsewhere (more accurately, it is a London thing). We just felt that the fact that there is a lifestyle serves as an excuse for pretty much every kind of behaviour, disrespectful for other people, mostly. Also, things started to be a lot around monetising the lifestyle, instead of living it. Every new club, website, party planner and the like thinks he has found Columbus’ egg and ends up killing the golden goose. On top of it all, the relentless quest for new blood to fuel this state of affairs creates a much more virtual environment, with a lot of fakes, wannabes and straight up “screen wankers”
So, we decided to turn things around. We started breaking away from the swinging clubs scene and focusing on other activities. We’ve also started to be a lot more selective and eventually forming a group of couples and single people with whom we meet frequently and have fun with, outside the clubs. We just implemented a new routine that actually works for us, bringing back the fun to our sex life. At the same time, we had to face the changing times and mentalities, creating a set of rules and procedures that efficiently dealt with some aspects of the lifestyle, avoiding situations that would spoilt it for us. And that means we have to be, sometimes, pretty ruthless.
As a direct consequence of this change, we now meet a lot less couples. This is due to the fact that we have very good friend couples that we know for a number of years and we love getting together with them, either in pure vanilla occasions or for really steamy sex fun. We don’t feel the need of meeting new ones, although we end up doing so, now and then, just to keep the perspectives fresh, I guess. It is a lot of trouble to meet couples and not very rewarding, at all. Nowadays, most of them are not even real couples. They are, at best, fuck buddies, when you don’t come to realise the girl is actually being paid to be there. We know a girl that features in about a dozen profiles on a website, each with a different guy. We’ve actually met her with one of them and can recognise her in each of the profiles. As a result, you cannot expect real couple fun, which for us translates much more into sharing than swapping, ideally with total involvement from all parties, except male on male, of course.
When it comes to couples, we probably have very high expectations and that might be the problem. We expect people that think a lot like us, people that like to enjoy themselves over a dinner in a nice restaurant, a drink in a trendy bar or a clubbing night (the dancing kind). On top of that, they should be up for some hours of sex, with a lot of good conversation in the mix. The problem is that, if they do the first part, they seem to lack the energy for the second. On the other hand, if they go for sex, it seems that everything else is just delaying their objective to fuck and go, adding just another notch on their belt (this is a typical fuck buddies behaviour, the truth being they are just there for the guy to fuck another girl and move on to the next... typical).
There are also other kinds of couples. One of the frequent ones is the married kind but with issues. We have long been saying that this is not for couples with problems. The lifestyle is for couples with a sound relationship. If you have trust issues, the lifestyle will only make it worse. On the other hand, if you are the kind of couple that he comes in less than a minute and she is fucking with her mind wondering about next Sunday’s lunch, well... you should probably work things out at home. Having sex with other people won’t bring back the magic and will leave them quite displeased.
If you are none of the above, maybe we can meet and give it a try!
Girls... supposedly the unicorns of the lifestyle. The problem is that, as you will probably find out, they have too many horns for a unicorn! You go into a website and see a lot of girls. Most of them are not really single girls. They just act as such for one of 2 reasons: they hope to attract couples for their partner to join or they have a couple’s profile on which they “don’t meet single guys” and use the single girl’s one to do so. The ones that are single girls, either work for some club, party planner or the like, or are looking to monetise their time, in person or otherwise.
So... where do we get our girl? Easy... everywhere! Besides the already mentioned babysitters, we get baristas, barmaids, in shops, in pubs, in bars, in clubs... one thing we realised is that they are usually interested in one of us... we just need to drive their curiosity into getting involved with the both of us. And are girls curious! Much more than guys! In the same environment, it is much harder to get a guy involved. They might fancy her but, as soon as they see she is with someone, they just scramble!
We definitely enjoy doing stuff with our girl friends. Steff is really into girls, almost as much as into boys. We go for dinner, we go to bars or clubs and, when back home, fuck like crazy until the morning. That is some very rewarding fun. However, we have had a few girls mixing things in the past. It’s always a risk as girls are usually less detached than men. It is quickly changing, though, and it’s been a while since we noticed any hint of a problem and we meet girls regularly. We’ve met some in the lifestyle. One was part of a fuck buddies couple and another was brought in by a single male friend. The main thing is that we really enjoy getting together and having fun. Sometimes Martim just lets the girls play on their own with a few guys. He has been known to challenge them for a few naughty scenarios...
One thing you would expect is for things to be easy with guys, right? Boy meets girl, boy fucks girl and they both go on their merry ways... nothing could be further from the thruth. Especially, once again, in London. There is this culture of laziness and lack of respect about single guys in London. It is quite different from other places, including in the UK but, most noticeably, abroad. It’s really difficult to find quality single guys and that is probably the one side of our partners that changes the most. It’s almost impossible to maintain good single guys around, although we are fortunate enough to have some of them as friends for a number of years. It’s probably the nature of things but, then again, it is different elsewhere.
First of all, let’s face it: Steff is probably not the easiest girl for single guys to handle. She is not the submissive type and knows very well what she wants. She is a nice girl, always smiling but can be bossy and became quite grumpy if she doesn’t get what she wants. And she wants a lot. She likes a guy that knows how to use his tongue and having a couple of orgasms like that is what she would call a good start. She can have more than 20 orgasms a night and she will try to go for as much as possible. Also, she doesn’t really go for doggy style until she feels like it, which usually means after a few orgasms. She can definitely squeeze a guy dry and she will, given the chance. So, not really the easiest girl around. She is definitely the demanding kind.
One thing that Steff really likes is outdoors and improvised sex. It has to do with Adrenalin, I guess. You put her in a room with a few guys and she can’t come nearly as much as if you put her fucking in the back of a car, in a park bench, against a wall or under a tree. It has a lot to do with the change in scenery, after a lot of years in the lifestyle. Different scenarios help in getting a lot of pleasure. Guys might find it strange at first but they end up enjoying it a lot. And that is the stuff memories are made of! A few guys have said that their lack of performance was due to the unusual scenario. However, when invited home for a second chance, they couldn’t do any better. On the other hand, some guys that really had a hell of a performance on improvised situations could not perform as well indoors. It’s not the place, it’s your head (either that or the wanking before meeting).
She also likes DPs a lot. She and all the girls we know! Every girls that tries DP loves it. Not all girls go for anal but there are a lot of alternatives. The one thing girls like the most it’s DVP. They mostly go crazy! But to do it means more than one guy has to be involved. And that is the whole problem! Most guys shy away from DPs. Usually the same that stand in line to fuck a ugly, crazy fat girl, in a van or go to a club and end up fucking just about any cat or dog that comes about by the end of the night! But, hey, at least they don’t touch another guys cock... even Martim, being so absolutely straight, has no such problems. I know, there are straight guys having sex with other guys... it’s a wonderful and brave new world! But Martim really doesn’t make the type. He just has no problem in giving the girl the best time he can!
Guys suck so bad in the lifestyle that we feel we should share a few tips:
- Most couples don't read guys' profiles... they see the pictures and the verifications
- No girl likes to see 10 pictures of your penis from dubious angles. However, if you don't have at least one, from a good angle, they will think you have nothing to show (I've heard a few girls actually say that!)
- The absolute "forget it" profile: 10 pics of your torso and one of your back side!
- Swing sites are not Facebook. Neither are they dating sites
- Some verifications are "career killers"... no self esteeming girl will be willing to fuck you if they see you only fuck old, ugly and fat ladies. Also, some might feel insecure if you only have verifications from very pretty girls. It's kind of a balancing act
- We have talked to other couples and girls and they all hate the "hun, darling, babe, etc.". At best, it sounds condescending...
- you should grow your base from a few friend couples and always keep your word. The most successful guys we know do this. Check the one with a coloured superhero name... he has been around and always having plenty of fun... and girls
- Take care of your cock. Respect it, feed it well and it will reward you. Resist the temptation of sticking it everywhere... it will come a time it will think a hole is pretty much like the next and won't be up for it anymore... get it?
However, the things that really put us completely off are the bareback and the drug cultures. Not politically correct to say it but there are really a few dark trends in the lifestyle. The bareback culture is just inadmissible nowadays. That and the lack of awareness that comes with it. There is no excuse! One of these days, we met this guy and he had no condoms with him (usual stuff and that is why we always have a few). Steff told him that he should have brought condoms and he goes "I'm clean! I'm married!". Scary shit! His wife will end up catching something from him without even having had any of the fun to show for it! Unfortunately, this is frequent. Married guys come into the lifestyle but wouldn't have the balls to bring their wife. She takes care of the kids. On top of that, they don't respect them enough to take the necessary precautions. Sad but true. What is worse: socially as acceptable as hiring prostitutes! There are also those couples that appear, fuck everyone and everybody for a few months and then disappear, along with a few of those that played with them... it happens time and time again but people don't realise why... Anyway... The other scary thing is drugs. We have been offered these like candy in the lifestyle. It is even a very profitable market for some people. And the downfall for a lot of couples, as we have seen over the years, transforming family people into porno stars or worse. It's all a bit of fun... until it isn't!
With so many challenges, how do you manage to be in the lifestyle for so long and still have fun? well, we have our own formula and don't have a problem sharing it:
- We mostly stick to a number of good friends, couples and single people. Now and then, we meet new people. We are less and less moved by novelty and just find meeting new people a lot of little rewarding work. Very rarely a good fuck comes along. On the other hand, playing with our friends gets more and more pleasant. Martim is very peculiar about a lot of things, including pussies. He has specific tastes. However, one of our best friends has a pussy style he really doesn't like. They fuck like crazy almost every weekend!
- If someone fails us, it happens only once! No second chances! If more people did the same, things would be a lot different, even with the desperate, almost unfuckable people around! Some people have a lot of nerve! But will elaborate on it another time.
- We get the lifestyle into our life and not the other way around. We do a lot of different things every weekend. Sometimes we go clubbing and see who is available for a quickie in the morning. Other times, we go out for dinner or clubbing with friends and play until almost lunchtime. Other times, we go out just for a "social"... it never is! Some socials have a way of ending in total orgies, never quite understood why!
- We avoid clubs, parties, people that organise parties and all kinds of "popular" people. This is from experience but it has improved a lot the way we have fun. The lifestyle might be a bit "underground" but the people in it are the same as the ones in the "mainstream". And they think the same. As a general rule, do the same as you do in your daily life: not everyone is your cup of tea!
As it shows, by this first sample, there will be dragons in future posts. However, Hanlon's razor will always hold true: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by carelessness".
Wonderful honest and refreshing account of the joys and pitfalls of bringing others into a relationship. So few seem to have taken the time to examine the pleasure that can be had, through understanding the desires of themselves as well as those of the partners, let alone those of those that they meet.
ReplyDeleteYour write wonderfully eloquently and succinctly in such a way to capture the imagination and intrigue